


Forever (In Your Arms)

by kiminseong



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, idk what else to say about it, if you wanna read the twitter au first i have links and stuff, im trying to be realistic, not beta-read !, or if you wanna read it second, or just it instead of this too is fine i guess, this is based off of a twitter au so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-20 07:25:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14255901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiminseong/pseuds/kiminseong
Summary: based off of a faking dating twitter au!Jisung really needs Chenle to be is fake boyfriend for a family reunion, but he isn't sure that is going to make Chenle the happiest. He really doesn't want to disappoint his mom.





	Forever (In Your Arms)

**Author's Note:**

> !!!!!!!! BEFORE YOU READ !!!!!!!
> 
> I am aware that the pics aren't working... if you want to read, you can subscribe to this work (unless you are a guest, then I am not sure if they can subscribe?) and you should get an update... if you can remember that you wanted to read this or just keep the tab open and check it you can, but i am going to do everything i can to get these pictures back... until then, i am really sorry, but thank you for clicking and wanting to read...

 

“You could even invite your boyfriend,” she mused. Jisung just shook his head, he hadn’t known how to tell her otherwise. Words actually couldn’t find his tongue until it was too late. He didn’t want to make promises with her he couldn’t keep. He wasn’t about to be the type of kid to keep secrets from his mom, but he was already dreading just the thought of a family reunion. Now it was going to be a family reunion with his imaginary boyfriend.

 

“My what?” His voice danced across the air. It was still once he choked the words out.

 

“Your boyfriend, Chenle. Invite him, everyone will want to meet him!” she enthused once again. Jisung swallowed hard on nothing. His throat felt a little dry. He didn’t have the heart to break his mom’s.

 

“Alright, mom,” he grumbled.

 

He laid his head against his laptop keyboard, resulting in an extremely unwanted keysmash, but he couldn’t help it. He just agreed to bringing his not-boyfriend to a family reunion. He honestly didn’t know how to feel. Chenle and Jisung had been friends for a long time, and he did like Chenle, but apparently not how his mom wished he did. Sure, his stomach turned into a professional acrobat when Chenle did certain things, but it was never more than that. There was never anything present more than that.

 

Jisung picked up his phone, finding Jaemin in his contacts.

 

 

He stared at the wall across from his for a minute. He shouldn’t be so worried about messaging Chenle, they are best friends. But being just best friends didn’t explain why he always smiled during their back-and-forths. He was lucky to live in the same city as him, too. He liked the way Chenle smiled. It was like the way the sun shone against water pulling tiny orbs of yellows and greens and blues that danced on the surface, and you just got strength from knowing that it dove much deeper than the surface. It was like knowing all the goodness in the world could be bunched into two rows of teeth that were tied together effortlessly with a pair of lips that were always pursed and pressed by their owner. Chenle’s nervous habits were nominal, but they existed, and sometimes Jisung would watch him press his lips together, then push them forward.

 

He picked his phone up for the second time, finding Chenle in his contacts. He clicked on the icon of the boy’s face on the left of his contact.

 

 

  


❤️

  


He knew it wasn’t real, but a boy could dream.

 

The way he bounced his feet against the pavement told him that he was acting sillily, just like he was in love. There was no way he was in love, though, not _in love,_ in love, anyway. He loved Jisung, sure, but so did Jaemin and so did Renjun. Jisung was no exclusive party that Chenle was now invited to. No, Jisung was the embodiment of the things that made other people happy. He was the beauty of nature and love and happiness all combined. He was everything Chenle could ask of a person and everything Chenle would never have.

 

Chenle smiled at the things around him, the nature that pulls his attention in and, as the span is short, is ultimately pulled away, drifting to the thoughts of the boy that embraces everything the world holds. He is suns and moons and planets; those things only the whole universe could hold. Chenle knows he was only born to hold something less than that of the earth, so he couldn’t possibly fall for the whole universe and everything trapped within it.

 

His fingers danced across his phone screen, little words forming from the clicks of the buttons that his fingers made so suddenly possible. His stomach did a somersault as he pushed send, but it was worth it.

 

His phone buzzed with a message from Jisung just as he finally settled onto the little step of the building he lived in. Jisung walked toward him and it was like the best thing in the world. His very bones held space in them, little galaxies and stars trailing down his skin. Supernovas couldn’t compare to the way Jisung scrunched his nose when he was embarrassed or the way he walked like he was dancing: effortlessly. Chenle was convinced that Jisung’s beauty was as endless as the universe and everything it carried, but this realization came with another, where he taught himself a second time that Jisung was in fact the very universe itself and could hardly be compared to that of anything within it. And it was then that Chenle realized his legs need to peel themselves from the step he sat atop and he needed to reduce the shaking in them before he toppled onto the boy that would never dare hold him.

 

It was like the best thing in the world, seeing Jisung surrounded by the bright light of the city. Chenle had seen him so many times before, so why was he so caught up on how he looked in this moment? A smile was offered his way, and Chenle covered his mouth with his sweater sleeve in order to share the moment of smiling. “Hello, boyfriend,” Jisung joked.

 

“Ah,” Chenle let out a short and convincing laugh, “Just waiting for you, loser. I am never going to finish this project if we don’t hurry, though.”

 

“Alright, alright,” Jisung laughed playfully, “Let’s get this show on the road.”

 

Like that, they were off.

 

Somewhat similar to that of an adventure, they ventured out to discover little parts of the city neither had cared to explore. All winding roads leading back to a little cafe that they both loved.

 

The exploration led to pictures of the earth itself, of things manmade and completely natural. Of the whole universe that carefully tread a path next to Chenle. He was full of life, so unable to keep it all trapped within himself, like a full locker that spills out when opened. Chenle loved every ounce of the life within him, and he wanted to share his own with him, but of course, the boy couldn’t hold anything of Chenle’s. He was already full, so the ghost of something imaginary followed him, rather, a shadow even when the sun isn’t out.

 

Chenle wanted to let himself shatter right there in front of the boy, right there through the camera. He wanted his fractures to create fissures and fracture themselves. He wanted to become a chaos, a pool on the floor in front of his best friend. He wanted to smile at walk up to him and steal his very own first kiss via Jisung’s lips, but he wanted to blow Jisung away by showing him how truly beautiful he could be.

 

He wanted to stop looking through his camera and taking pictures of Jisung when he knew it would just be a sad memory in the end.

 

He liked the way Jisung looked no matter what, he had an adorable aura to him, something that naturally drew you in, but he couldn’t let himself be stuck on the boy for too long. Jisung might notice his staring, and Chenle can’t stare a hole into the perfect mess that is him being a fake boyfriend for Jisung for a family reunion.

 

“I think I have taken enough pictures,” Chenle proudly concluded after taking one last one of a tree that hung oddly over a dilapidated building.

 

“You think?” Jisung asked, a quizzical look on his face, “It seemed like you took more of me than of anything around me,” he laughed. Chenle laughed too. It was nice to share something so completely perfect. It was strange, though, like Jisung could do anything in that moment and of course Chenle got to choose his emotion and his reaction, but he doesn’t think he could stay mad at Jisung for whatever happened.

 

“I am just trying to be a good boyfriend,” Chenle coped, playing along with the whole fake date thing.

 

Jisung smiled before looking down at the pavement both their feet stood upon. He pulled his left foot back to his right foot and started playing with the heel of his shoe, pulling it off and putting it back on. “Being a good boyfriend doesn’t mean failing a project just because you wanted to capture true beauty,” he teased, putting his hands up under his chin and wiggling fingers along the side of his face in a cute sort of way after he managed to force his shoe completely on his foot again.

“Took you long enough to think of something to say…” Chenle turned toward the street adjacent to them, “If we get across there, the coffee shop should be there, if this is the same route I took last time.”

 

Jisung dropped his hands to his side, accepting his failure at a joke. “If?” he almost yelled.

 

“It should be, don’t worry!” Chenle assured, already making his way across the quiet street. These roads were a lot less than busy, and that didn’t bother either member of the couple.

 

“Ugh,” Jisung cried before continuing behind him, “You better be right…”

 

The nervous wreck of Chenle’s body kept falling forward until he had finally stumbled his way to the coffee shop he knew his best friend adored. He liked the way that Jisung walked in and immersed himself in the atmosphere of the entire tiny cafe. He liked the smile on his face when they sat across from each other and waited for the worker to shout out Chenle’s name incorrectly despite Chenle having told him exactly how to say it. He liked watching Jisung sip at the hot drink in front of him, and he liked that he still ordered hot drinks in the transition of spring into summer.

 

“Is it good?” Chenle asked, genuinely curious considering this is about the fifth strange face Jisung has pulled at the cup in front of him.

 

“It is alright, really. I usually order it. It is just hot,” Jisung stretched his arms out in front of his on the table, his hands reaching in the center. Chenle offered his own toward the skinny hands staring him down on the table. His fingers intertwined with Jisungs.

 

“But are you sure you wanted it?” he was suddenly whispering. Chenle didn’t know what he was talking about anymore. He swallowed his courage, his pride, his love all down his throat and it lay somewhere inside the hollowness of his body. He wanted to be talking about the drink, but it felt like he meant everything. It felt like it held the weight of everything Chenle’s body and mind were capable of feeling.

 

Luckily, Jisung only felt the weight of the drink in his hands. There was nothing else, apparently. Chenle’s fingers weaved between his own didn’t make his heart skip a beat or send his head away as if it were a bullet train leaving faster than it had arrived. “I usually order it, yeah.” His explanation was half-hearted, like something was wrong more than he was letting on.

 

“Alright,” Chenle smiled, hopefully reassuringly. He looked around at the others in the cafe around them. Plenty of people were there, but Chenle hoped that no one else felt the same burden that he wore like it was trendy.

 

“We kinda do look like a couple…” Jisung scrunched his nose a bit. Chenle swore that anyone should be able to see the heat he felt in his cheeks. It was soft and nice, and suddenly he was terribly aware of Jisung’s hands and how they felt against his own. They were soft and skinny, like he didn’t have much weight on him, and he really didn’t. Chenle wanted to see that same smile he had memorized like he was studying for a test. He wanted to feel the warmth spread across his chest once he saw it, something that only Jisung could do to him. He was rendered utterly useless; his voice failed him, words falling flat once they tried to ghost past his lips. His hands shook lightly, and he wanted to fall apart right there, right in Jisung’s hands. That is just what the boy could do to him. It almost scared him. “Are you cold?”

 

Chenle tried shaking his head, but Jisung wasn’t watching. He was stripping himself of the lightweight jacket that was hanging around him. It was almost swallowing him, so Chenle couldn’t imagine how big it would be on himself. “Here, this will help,” he offered the jacket to Chenle, who accepted, not knowing what else to do.

 

“Thank you,” Chenle whispered, almost inaudible.

 

“Are you sure you are okay, Lele?” Jisung’s voice broke the short silence between the two.

 

“You never asked if I was okay in the first place. I am fine, though. You worry too much about me… You are too good of a boyfriend,” Chenle cooed back at Jisung. He laughed in return, which Chenle thanked himself for earning from him. He liked the way Jisung laughed, like no one was there to judge him. Like he bathed himself in the lowlights that the sun offered him because only he deserved it. Chenle wondered if Jisung thought anything like the world of him.

 

The two collected themselves, and Jisung smiled at the mess of the couple. “Ready?”

 

“For what?” Chenle asked, blanking for a moment. He wondered if Jisung’s heart or head or body would ever understand the suns they held within themselves, Jisung would ever get to see all that light or use all of that light. It was so much; he was so much. Chenle wondered if Jisung held the same type of love he did. If it was bundled up in blankets and kept safe from honest rain: sheltered. If Jisung’s love was sheltered, then maybe Chenle wouldn’t ever be able to reach it like he wants to. Maybe Jisung wants to love, but he doesn’t know how. The love Jisung housed in himself seemed to be in apastron with Chenle, the two were so far apart from each other and could never meet.

 

The very presence of Jisung himself makes the things that seem angry or unkind and makes them kinder. He is like brims of light, golden bands that only the sun has the power to conjure embracing the whole world around himself. His seams are sewn with thread of particles and atoms that are bound in something just as endless as he is.

 

“To leave?” he blinked slowly at the boy still sitting. Heat rose to Chenle’s cheeks in embarrassment. He fumbled, picking up his things and tightening the grip on Jisung’s jacket around his shoulders.

 

“Yeah, yeah… I’m ready.” His thoughts sounded disconnected, but his eyes were acquainted with the brightness in Jisung’s. Constellations were shared between the two, and Chenle couldn’t help but smile, regaining all composure.

 

“Should I walk you home?” Jisung smiled, a hand extended toward Chenle. He helped the older of the two out of the little booth they were sitting in.

 

Chenle huffed a bit after pulling himself from the booth with the help his (fake) boyfriend. “I think I will be able to walk home myself, but thank you. I just think it will be easier for you if we go our separate ways now.” Chenle was careful not to admit that it would be difficult for him. He danced around the complete truth, managing what he believed to not be a lie.

 

 

❤️

 

 

Jisung _needed help._

 

He had no clue what Chenle’s ideal date would be, and if that meant he had to desperately ask everyone he knew for help, then so be it. He had no other choice.

 

 

He stared at the computer in front of him for a while. He watched the likes increase and comments come in as he refreshed the page. He didn’t like Chenle seemed to be the only comment he was going to get.

 

❤️

 

 

❤️

 

Chenle really, truly deserved to be happy. Jisung was forcing him into this whole thing, after all. He liked the idea of taking Chenle on dates, they would have something to talk about when they were actually at the family reunion. He liked the idea of taking Chenle on dates for more than that reason, though.

 

He liked the idea of seeing Chenle smile, and he was finally the reason that Chenle was so happy. He liked feeling like liquid, melting into Chenle just because of the strange feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever he and Chenle got to do things together. He didn’t want to sound hopelessly romantic because Chenle would never think of him in that sort of way, and he wasn’t even sure of what the feeling meant either, but he was sure that he liked every second he got the honor of being with Chenle. Of seeing him. Of hearing his laugh or the way he speaks, or the little sounds that can only come from someone as spontaneous and completely full of goodness as Chenle.

 

He picked his phone up for what he prayed to be the last time, as he just wanted some help with this whole dating thing. He had really never done this before, so this was all new to him.

 

 

❤️

 

 

Renjun was probably right; this was probably a _terrible_ idea.

 

But Chenle couldn’t help it. There was no way Jisung thought the same way about him as he did Jisung. He wanted to know what it was like to be with Jisung, to date Jisung. He wanted to know what every inch of his lips feel like, and how they feel pressed against his own. He wants to learn all those bubbly feelings in his stomach and chest and if they ever go away or if he is stuck with them for the rest of his life. He wants to know all the little things about Jisung and all the big things. He wants to sleep next to him one night, nothing but the warmth of their bodies being shared. He wants to hold his hand without jittering. He wants to be kissed and for Jisung to mean it. He wants to tell him he loves him.

 

❤️

 

Picking up his phone, Jisung got ready to tell Chenle about the date he had planned thanks to Mark’s help.

 

 

Jisung smiled down at the phone as he turned it off. He shouldn’t feel this giddy about something fake. He shouldn’t think of it as fake, either.

 

❤️

 

 

Chenle had always known that Jisung loved the stars. He was magnetic, and Chenle was melted metals pressed together to form something with emotions that were so explosive solar flares could only compare when they were at their utmost beautiful. It was amazing that the man who was composed of the Milky Way itself was so in love with galaxies.

 

 

 

There was a strange bubble of anxiety ever present in his chest, but Chenle knew that Jisung would love this. He knew that he had to do everything to make it as memorable as possible.

 

 

Chenle laid back on the bed that was underneath him. He turned, his eyelids heavy. He wanted to fall into something that was longer than time itself, but he had already fallen in love. It was a love so present and painful that part of him wanted to forget it, but he wasn’t strong enough to do that. A much bigger part of him wanted to act on the presence of the love because he knew that it would be able to help the pain subside.

 

Pulling a blanket over his body, his eyelids fell shut.

 

When they fluttered open, he was greeted with a message from Jisung, to which he eagerly replied.

 

 

❤️

 

Jisung had been worried about his date all night, but now that the clock was staring him in the face, and he was left only to worry. It felt almost like something was stuck in the back of his throat with how nervous he was letting himself become.

 

 

Jaemin was never much help.

 

❤️

 

Chenle watched out his window as the car that he really didn’t think belonged to Jisung, but rather his mother, pulled up to his driveway. He marched down the stairs, hoping he looked as formal as Jisung was hoping he would. He tagged a bit on the sweater fast that engulfed the blue button up underneath. The pants were very formal, and a bit annoying, but comfortable and good looking.

 

He stepped out of his house, taking in everything about Jisung. He adorned a simple button up that was most likely a size or two too big tucked into jeans that were fastened with a belt. He was incredibly handsome, but his clothes had nothing to do with that.

 

His smile brightened Chenle’s mood, which was pretty much nothing more than a bundle of nerves and happiness at this point. He was breathtaking. Chenle couldn’t help his urge to lean forward and offer a kiss on the lips of the boy just standing across from him. Any step he was ready to take was cut off by Jisung’s voice, “Are you ready to go…?” he asked, somewhat tentative.

 

“Yes!” Chenle enthused. He felt like he was born ready for this. All he wanted to do was spend a night completely worthwhile with Jisung.

 

-

 

The ride to the restaurant was nothing exhilarating, but Chenle’s nerves were bouncing all over the place the entire time. The bundle that his nerves used to lay in was now shattered and broken, releasing them all, freeing them to the open air. They were on their own path now, and Chenle couldn’t contain them. He was trembling somewhat in his seat, and he supposed that Jisung picked up on that.

“Here, take my hand. It will be okay,” he tried assuring Chenle, offering one of his hands.

 

“You are driving, Sungie. I don’t trust you that much. Not with my life,” Chenle confessed jokingly.

 

“Come on, just take my hand. You won’t be as nervous, promise.” He turned his head to smile at Chenle as he spoke. Jisung was the reason that heat rose to his cheeks once again, but that didn’t matter. He held his soft hand in his own once again, but this time was different. Somehow, it felt different. Chenle just wanted to know if it was like this for Jisung, too.

 

They stayed like this until they got to the restaurant.

 

-

 

 

With nearly everything off of their plates, the couple was full and ready for whatever might come after their dinner date. Chenle was eager to know, but Jisung insisted upon it being a surprise.

 

“Can I know yet?,” Chenle asked, filling his mouth with the last forkful of food on his plate.

“Where we are going after this?” Jisung asked. He earned a confirmation nod from the boy across from him, and he smiled. “Well, there is a musical tonight, and I figured you might want to go see it?” he offered.

 

Chenle couldn’t help how his face lit up after hearing Jisung’s words. Jisung hated musicals, why would he take him to one? Did he care about Chenle having a good time this much? “I...I need to go to restroom. Oh gosh, thank you so much, Jisungie…” he mumbled, standing up and walking away.

 

“Is everything okay?” Jisung called before Chenle was too far.

 

“Yes, yes!” Chenle called behind him. He pulled out his phone as he approached the bathroom, getting ready to text Renjun.

 

 

When Chenle left the restroom, he admired Jisung from where he could see him. He was on his phone, but he still made Chenle feel things that were almost unfair. He didn’t want to feel little gardens grow in his heart every time he got to hear Jisung’s voice or laugh just as much as he wanted to nurture the gardens until they grew to forests. He wanted to feel forests of love for the boy that sat alone at a dinner table for two. He wanted to kiss him so bad.

 

❤️

 

 

Jisung stopped texting Jaemin once he saw Chenle heading back for the table. “Are you ready? I already paid…”

 

“Whenever you are,” Chenle smiled, picking his jacket up and wrapping it around his body. Jisung wobbled as he stood. A flood of nerves welcomed themselves through his veins and he was nearly in tears at how actually unwelcome the feeling was. He didn’t want to keep being nervous, it didn’t make sense to him. This is a fake date, so why did he feel like it was more than that.

 

Chenle deserved everything the world had to offer. Chenle deserved the world. All Jisung had was two tickets to a musical that he hoped would make him momentarily just as happy as he would be if he had everything he wanted. Was Renjun right? Is Jisung being there with him really all that he wanted?

 

❤️

 

The musical was dynamic and fun and there is no way that Chenle could have asked for something more worthwhile from Jisung. He really couldn’t stand that he couldn’t kiss him. It was actually making him physically anxious to not turn to the seat next to him and just kiss the boy that he was holding the hand of.

 

Whenever he would steal glances at Jisung, he couldn’t help but notice that Jisung didn’t seem to care much for the musical. He has never been a fan, but he was apparently a fan of making his best friend’s heart flutter, something that came extremely easy to him.

 

It was easy to watch the whole things while letting his nervousness dissolve into the seat below him, into the actors and actresses themselves, into the hand that he held, into Jisung himself.

 

-

 

 

❤️

 

Jisung flopped his body against his bed. Letting out an exasperated sigh followed by a smile, he rolled over, picking up his phone. He was exhausted, but extremely happy. The musical was interesting, even if not everything he really wanted to be seeing. It made Chenle happy, and that was all that mattered.

 

 

❤️

 

Chenle rolled up his sleeves, staring at the balcony that was nowhere near ready for his date tonight. He checked the time on his his phone, shaking his head. 1:21 pm. He was really pushing the time on this. He wanted it to be absolutely perfect, but maybe he should avoid procrastination if he wants it to be just this way.

 

He pulled up the weather app on his phone, checking in one last time. He has been religiously conscious of whether it was supposed to be cloudy or not. The clouds had the power to ruin the entire date. They are any astronomer’s worst nightmare.

 

Clear skies.

 

_Perfect._

 

It didn’t seem like a lot to Chenle to ask for the date to be this way. Perfect was something he has seen before. He is going on a date of the very embodiment of the word itself. It is probably silly to call someone perfect, as everyone has their faults, but Chenle swears that Jisung’s are so well hidden people should think he is perfect. He wants people to think he is perfect, but at the same time, he just wants to be with Jisung, so maybe including other people into the equation only makes the problem more complicated. Who would Chenle be if not complicated?

 

It didn’t matter how you looked at the balcony, Chenle was going to need help.

 

 

-

 

It wasn’t long before the two were finished decorating the balcony. It looked nice. Chenle was impressed with the work that he and his best friend had managed to put into it. He smiled at it, side by side with Renjun. “What do you think?”

 

“I think he’ll love it, and maybe not even because of the work put into it,” Renjun sighed. He had a terrible tendency to imply things that Chenle either didn’t understand or didn’t _want_ to understand, despite how much he likely wished it to be true, like this case.

 

He took a picture of the scene and posted it online with the caption “Just needs a telescope.” as he asked Renjun what he meant.

 

“ _I mean,_ he totally likes you and just wants to spend time with you. Maybe he doesn’t _like_ you, but you’ll never know until you ask…” Renjun trailed off, heading back inside, Chenle not far behind him.

 

“How do you just _ask_ someone that, Renjunnie?” Chenle asked, pouting a bit. He hoped this would make Renjun feel somewhat bad for him, but it didn’t seem to working. Renjun only shook his head. Chenle hated that Renjun always seemed to have so much to say, but never really said anything. It made sense, though. Renjun had never been in a real relationship, that he could think of. He had liked Jeno or Jaemin or both in some order, but Chenle could hardly keep up. The point it, Renjun didn’t seem to take dating seriously. He took Chenle’s feelings extremely seriously, though.

 

“I think you should listen to yourself. What do you want him to know? How do you think he feels? All that good stuff,” Renjun explained, rambling somewhat without really doing so. He held out his words for a long time to make what he was saying more dramatic.

 

“You are impossible, Renjun! If I wanted to listen to my heart instead of my head this whole time I would have taken him by his handsome face and kissed those big lips of his!” Chenle exclaimed, clasping his hand over his mouth as soon as he shouted. He didn’t sound mean, so he wasn’t worried about that, but rather there were some people in the room the two had just walked into. Taeyong was having some renovations done on his building, evidently, and now they all knew how big Chenle’s crush on his best friend was.

 

Renjun smiled, clearly wanted to laugh at Chenle’s embarrassment, “Maybe we should leave,” he suggested, stifling his laugh for only as long as he could.

 

❤️

 

 

Jisung shook his head.

 

He supposed he should tell his mom if he planned on staying out later than he was really supposed to. He was sure she would forgive him if it was in order to be with Chenle. He didn’t understand her interest in his love life, but if it let him get away with staying out too long, he was happy.

 

 

Jisung let out a sigh of relief and put his phone on his bedside table. It was 6:23 pm, so he guessed that he should grab something to eat, since 8:30 was going to be a little late. He shook his head before resting it on his pillows again.

 

❤️

 

Chenle was trying to find comfort admist his anxiety by posted his worries on his private account. This apparently only made Renjun worried.

 

 

As he set his phone down, he heard a car pull up outside. If Jisung had already come, it was three minutes early, which wasn’t like him, but Chenle can’t say that he minded seeing Jisung for longer than planned. Chenle took off down the staircase he stood at to meet Jisung at the door.

 

“Welcome!” Chenle cheered as he held the door open for his (not)boyfriend. He smiled proudly, although he had nothing to do with how this floor looked.

 

Jisung looked beautiful. There was nothing specifically special about the way he dressed now, but there was something about him that made Chenle feel different than he did when he even saw him in person the last time. Nothing was different about the boy, he was as absolutely breathtaking as usual. It was the hitch in Chenle’s breath that changed. It was the way his heart pounded against the walls of his chest, and the way blood rushed to his cheeks. It was the little stumble when he walked thinking about how much he just wanted to hear Jisung speak that made him think was almost drunk off of whatever this feeling was. It was every aspect of Jisung that made Chenle want to tell him everything right then and there.

 

It was the way Jisung looked at him and smiled that made Chenle’s tongue twist so he couldn’t _say anything_.

 

“It… It is up the stairs,” Chenle lost his wording almost completely as he tried to form coherent sentences for the boy, “and to your immediate left.” Chenle tried to be thorough in his explanation for a reason. “But wait! I have the best part!”

 

Jisung turned toward him excitedly, “What is it?”

 

Chenle pulled a blindfold from the pocket of his sweatshirt. “You have to wear this,” he smirked.

 

“No way,” Jisung shook his head, “no way you can make me…”

 

Chenle was already tying it over his eyes as they spoke. “It won’t be long, promise.”

 

He managed to guide him almost completely safely to the staircase, but he did bump into the railing once they made it there. “The place better be directly on the left,” Jisung joked, “because you aren’t going to make it anywhere else like this.”

 

“Leave me alone,” Chenle mumbled. They had a few stumbles on the stairs, from both parties. When they reached the top though, Chenle stood Jisung still and held the door open for him so he could walk through, once he did, a small smile danced across his lips.

 

“Are we outside?”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Can I take this off?”

 

“ I will get it,” Chenle untied the fabric covering his eyes. He looked around, and his the smile on his mouth grew as wide as he assumed it could. Chenle would kill to see him smile like that all the time. Something about it was so refreshing and genuine.

 

“It is beautiful, Chenle. Thank you so much!” Jisung moved toward the telescope that was sitting against the edge of the deck. He couldn’t believe that he had successfully put together something that was already capable of making Jisung so pricelessly happy.

 

“Do you know how to use it?” Chenle asked him. He nodded excitedly. “Good. Look through it, then. I want to see you having fun! I can show you how to take a picture whenever you are finished.” He nodded and Chenle walked off, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

 

Chenle’s chest felt so incredibly tight, no amount of deep breathing was going to fix this, but it was worth telling Renjun about, anyway. Maybe he’d be willing to offer advice now.

 

 

Chenle inhaled through his nose, like the doctors usually tell him, then exhaled through his mouth. He repeated the process a couple times, still feeling the same amount of nerves present as there seemed to be the last couple times he had taken a deep breath.

 

“This is so cool, Lele! Thank you for taking me up here!” Jisung enthused from behind the telescope, breaking Chenle away from his thoughts. He smiled, looking up at the sky. It was beautiful. The black from where the sun was no longer hitting at all faded into dark blue, which faded into purple. The sun was nowhere near visible anymore, but somewhere it was illuminating just that part of the sky for Chenle and Jisung to watch the black melt into blue and cool into purple. Chenle was so happy he got to share this with Jisung. He was so happy that he knew he loved Jisung.

 

“I am glad you like it. Do you wanna take a picture?” Chenle offered. Jisung watched him take out his camera. He carefully taught Jisung how to take a clear photo with it, what settings to use, and how he should hold it. He was a little confused at first, and probably somewhat overwhelmed, but his smile made the whole thing worth it.

 

That smile could win awards. It was worth so much more than any word or picture or person, besides its owner. Chenle had an affinity for that smile.

 

“Ah! Lele, look! It is so pretty, ah…” Jisung sighed and titled his head. He was so amazed by the picture he had taken, it was cute.

 

“It looks nice, Jisung, but it is getting late, do you wanna walk home?” Jisung looked up from the camera that he was previously messing with. He nodded enthusiastically before trying his best to figure out how the camera turns off. “I can get you that picture so you can post it later or something,” Chenle offered.

 

“Yeah, that would be cool, thanks Lele. And thanks for all this again, it was really fun!”

 

-

 

“Jisung can I tell you—” Chenle stopped in the middle of his words when he saw Jisung’s mom standing in the doorway of Jisung’s home. He didn’t want to tell Jisung anything like that in front of Jisung’s mom. “Never mind… I guess, this is good night? I will see you tomorrow?” Chenle asked like it was a question. He was probably going to see him, he had seen him every day since he had been doing this whole fake dating thing for Jisung.

 

“Yeah, I will see you tomorrow.”

 

When Chenle thought he was just going to turn away and go back home, his whole heart _shattered._

 

It was _nothing_ like he had imagined.

 

Jisung’s lip were against his. They _did not_ fit together. There was no symmetry or hold on the other’s lips that kept them perfectly aligned. There was no _time_ that the kiss held that would dictate it as a first, only a last. There was nothing in the kiss that that he had asked for. There _was nothing_ in the kiss aside from a whispered apology between the two. He felt _nothing._

 

The kiss was like being emptied.

 

-

 

 

 

❤️

 

 

 

Jisung wanted to do it again. And again and again and again.

 

He wanted another change, to make it _right_.

 

He wanted to pull away and see the boy he really loved kissing to smile or laugh or bite his lip. He wanted to pull away and see the boy he _really loved_ loving him, too. He wanted to pull away and see anything but the grimace that was painted across his lips.

 

Jisung wanted to cry.

 

His mind ached for a break. He wanted to forget what the world was and why he stuck in it, making stupid decisions just like so many humans who would never understand that they are the reason the world is so ugly. He didn’t want to be just another ugly person they world had to carry. He wanted to change the way the world carried so much useless weight.

 

He didn’t want to become useless weight.

 

He didn’t want to hurt his best friend.

 

He didn’t want to hurt the boy he loved.

 

He didn’t want to hear his phone buzz from the nightstand next to him.

 

 

 

He _had_ to talk to Chenle.

 

 

 

-

 

It wasn’t long before the boy found himself on the others’ doorstep. Or before he was tumbling into the building, and finding himself all the way in the others room. It wasn’t until he was sitting next to Chenle on the bed that he felt as if he regained conciousness. He knew he knocked it right back out of himself when he kissed Chenle. Finally _kissed_ Chenle. It was no joke.

 

The kiss was immature and messy but Jisung loved it all the same. He begged with an ache in his lips that Chenle loved it just as much as he did. He pressed back and kept pressing back and he fell right on top of the older, yet smaller, boy. Jisung just wanted to be lost in this absolute embrace. He whispered “I love you’s” between kisses because Chenle already told him he didn’t want to hear “sorry” before or during a kiss every again. Jisung was sincerely sorry but there were three words that made that easier to say.

 

When their mouths parted, small words fell from Chenle’s lips, “Will you stay?” he asked.

 

Of course, Jisung wanted to say, but he couldn’t. The weight of Chenle’s words felt like they had held some sort of double meaning, and Jisung doesn’t know what, but he wants to know everything about Chenle, so this might be a start. “What do you mean?”

 

“Forever,” he said simply. “But I can mean now.”

 

Jisung smiled. “I wouldn’t mind staying forever.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> i'd like to give a big thank you to @flirtnana for letting me write this !! it was so fun and gosh i just ,, ! thank you so much i really hope you liked it !


End file.
